from the second step

written by Blynda Purdy

I love coffee. 

I mean like crave, think about, “never-run-out of” love coffee.  I’ve tried to give it up three times… all were painful, frustrating and ultimately unsuccessful.  Now in all honesty— I could give it up (and would if necessary!) but the issue with giving it up isn’t really about the caffeine— I could find that in a number of other ways… My relationship with coffee is really about something much more important than my occasional (or daily ) need for a pick-me-up; it is actually about the experiences associated with that cup of joe that has me hooked. Let me explain…

My “first cup of coffee” moment occurred when I was about 17 at an old boyfriend’s aunt’s house on a Friday night (maybe it’s weird I remember this??…)  He was from a very Italian family, and I learned well that an evening was not complete without a scrumptious dessert served alongside a steamy cup of strong coffee, especially at the end of a long week.  His darling grandmother would keep my cup full as we talked, played games, watched movies… That cup in my hand began to signify some things to me— laughter, belonging, family… peace. 

Fast forward a few decades and thousands of cups of coffee… When our youngest, Michaela, was in high school (she was the only child at home by that point) I started a daily practice that has become such a cherished memory for us both— I would make a cup of coffee with “just the perfect add-ins” (according to her) and take it half way up our curved stairwell and reach it up to her through the spindles (we kind of met in the middle LOL) for her to drink while she got ready for school.  Few words spoken at that moment, but hearts connected and she felt loved and cared for… Precious and priceless, and oh, so necessary for teens in our world to experience those tangible moments of love and peace.  Does it sound silly to say all that was wrapped up in that “cup of coffee” tradition? Maybe… Unless you’ve had those kinds of experiences yourself.  And I pray, with all I am, that you have!

If you, like me, didn’t have lots of these kinds of moments growing up I’m going to share something profound with you— you can start now.  You can create these kinds of traditions and experiences for your family— there’s nothing holding you back!  Start simply— a cup of coffee (or tea, or smoothie…) is a great starting point… The keys here are TIME and INTENTIONALITY. Busyness gets in the way, so make a plan. Take time.  Treasure the moments. (And buy yummy coffee; don’t waste money on the super cheap stuff!)

Wonderful ending to this tale: my whole family loves coffee (except for one, but we love him anyway and he’s getting there)… and not just the beverage. We love the time to sit together with a cup or two, to share our thoughts of the day just ending (remember— dessert and coffee??) or to anticipate the day just beginning.  We have a monthly Family Dinner (more on that in the future), and they never end without a pot or two of coffee along with LOTS of cream being served.  During Michaela’s college years, whenever she was home she would ask “are we having coffee time in the morning?” and then she would get up early to share in that time with Don and me… those moments are some of our most cherished with her as we watched her process through all the wonders and challenges of becoming an adult.  For our sweet Kate who has had to forego coffee for her precious Lucie (read last week’s blog if you missed it— it’s fabulous!) we commiserate the temporary loss of her much loved coffee while cheering her on in her amazing attitude!  Remember, it’s not really about the coffee at all… it’s the experiences, the relationship-building, the memories and the peace those bring that we are “addicted” to, and for that I am so incredibly grateful!

I’ve also realized while writing this that so many of my own significant personal and spiritual growth moments have happened over a cup of coffee with a cherished friend. For you see, one of the main benefits of drinking coffee is it takes time… time we need to listen, share and reflect.  And laugh… find yourself friends that you can both cry and laugh with,  for those are the life-giving ones!!  To those friends in my life (you know who you are)— you are precious beyond words to me.

So now, choose your thing; make a plan to create moments that build strength, belonging and memories into your families. If you don’t know where to start coffee’s not a bad way to go

till next time…

Blynda